A Day in the Life of The Knottery
Livin’ the dream.
Jack Fischman and Jay Arem have their own men’s accessory line The Knottery. Must be exciting, huh? Well, sometimes! Here’s what an average day looks like for the two (very charming and funny) Brooklyn guys. —jackie varriano
Jay: Wake up and make breakfast for the clan; drink coffee number one.
Jack: I’ve been up for 20 minutes, bro.
Jay: Put the kids on bus, start thinking about vacation, cross the street back to the house, and stop dreaming.
Jack: Wipe baby food from my eyes. My son is a thrower.
Jay: Get into office and look for things to do.
Jack: Get into the office and start stressing that I have too much to do. Think about going back home.
Jay: Start planning lunch. Inspect two new fabrics that came in.
Jack: Consider having a fourth coffee.
Jay: Make a 2 Chainz reference about first fabric and a Mexican drug blanket reference about the other.
Jack: Quickly Google 2 Chainz.
Jack & Jay: Lunch and coffee.
Jay: Help unload some new inventory, letting everyone know I’m sore from my new fitness routine.
Jack: Tell everyone that it was actually me who helped unload the inventory.
Jay: Look at this ribbon we bought six months ago to see if I have any ideas yet for its use. Zero.
Jack: Look up receipt. Start worrying. Maybe we can get a refund?
Jack & Jay: Quickly get distracted by a YouTube clip someone tweeted.
Jack: Respond to wife’s text, saying that I just left the office. Quickly start leaving the office.
Jay: Close the lights and nap for five minutes before going home to help out.
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Five Kiddie TV Shows The Knottery Guys Don’t Mind Watching
Bring it on, Dora.
Even if they wanted to, Jack Fischman and Jay Arem of The Knottery wouldn’t be able to think about ties and pocket squares all day. They’ve got rugrats to take care of—and, consequently, kid-approp entertainment to consume. Check out their regularly scheduled programming, with Jack’s take on what makes this stuff especially bearable. —jackie varriano
“As (self-proclaimed) style gurus, we can do little else but marvel at Steve’s outfit. We debate if he owns nothing else, or has 50 sets. If you only have five minutes, fast forward to Mail Time. He shouts “MAAAAAIIIIIIL!” insanely, and kids like us love it.”
“Love the dance moves and the personalities. The best part is that the show always ends for snack time. Snack time happens about every 10 minutes in our houses, so it’s a great life lesson: See kids? The Backyardigans only have snacks at the end of a half-hour episode. They have to wait a whole half hour.”
Yo Gabba Gabba!
“This show is truly one of a kind. We firmly believe that it was written by a stoner. There is a lot of randomness that you guess will somehow make sense one day. But it never does. The kids watch, amazed—just like us.”
“The storyline follows a precocious little pig named Olivia (yes, a pig). There are a lot of funny adult characters that have dry senses of humor that are totally lost on the kids. Favorite moment: Father explains to Olivia why it would not be economically feasible to ship her little brother to Siberia.”
Dora the Explorer
“We don’t know of an American household with little children that does not have this show echoing off the walls. We love this show. And by “love it,” we mean “can’t stand it.” Dora never stops shouting. We now regularly hear high-pitched, distant Dora voices ringing in our ears. Doctor says this is totally normal.”